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How To Lose a Date in One Month; The Expert Guide

How To Lose a Date in One Month; The Expert Guide

Ever met someone you're really into: you enjoy spending time with them, they make you laugh and you feel comfortable and relaxed in their company?

Well, read on to found out how, in just one month, you can go from chilling together at home to forever alone, in just five easy steps.

Step 1: Establish a routine of irregular dates and minimal contact between them

Once you've agreed you're going to start dating, undertake to commit to the following pattern over a week-long period:

  1. Have a great date;
  2. None to very little contact from the day of the date;
  3. Contact solely for the means of agreeing and arranging the next date;
  4. Have a great date.

Aim to repeat this weekly routine four to five times, and you have your month ahead all set up and ready for dating demise.

Step 2: Question whether you place too much importance on texting

Okay, so at approximately week two or three, you will think something similar to:"Is this non-texting actually alright and it's just a 'millennial' thing that we need to be hyperconnected, or is this guy just damn right rude?

Proceed to doubt your instincts and lower your standards to excuse the extreme lack of, or delay in, responding to your messages.

You'll probably also consider "Isn't it important to keep in contact with someone you are interested in. Isn't it just natural to want to talk to them?" A bit like, when you buy a new item of clothing and you just want to wear it all the time - eventually it dies down but it remains something you enjoy wearing. (Just ignore the fact that you would actually end up donating it to charity).

You are following Step 2 correctly when you resolve your nagging doubt with the conclusion that the fault lies with you: you're actually an obsessive-texter and really, absence (read: neglect) makes the heart grow fonder. 

Step 3: Determine that actually, texting is important to the development of a possible relationship

You'll soon be considering: "I am a super busy person but I manage to find two minutes or so to send a message, why can't my date do the same?

You're doing good.
Now, let that thought above fester while you continue to suffer.
Give it more time. I mean, you're having great dates - so what's not to enjoy? It’s worth the non-contact for three days in a row.

Obviously, the reason why your date doesn’t contact you is because they prefer your company in person.

Step 4: Voice your concerns openly but with consideration of the other's preference

You are building up to the finale! You're almost there!

Decide to take action, you like your date and they like you - you can tell from the great dates. But you need more.You need to know that they're there for you. They they're thinking of you. That they are interested in how you spend your days, what you get up to and what's troubling you.

Tell them you'd appreciate more contact in between dates. If you're as lucky as this writer was, they may even openly ask you what's your stance on it! Boy, oh boy!

You will think you've hit the jackpot; they recognise their fault and want to hear what you have to say about.

Spoiler alert: They won't actually do anything to change but, they may tease you into thinking they’re improving, with a few more ad hoc texts in succession.

Revel in the allusion of change.

Fall for it, go on.

Convince yourself it is an improvement. You're making progress and it's going great! They're interested; they're keeping in contact.

It won’t last. You should become even more disappointed. The great dates will become disjointed.

Step 5: Lose your date, by having them end it with you

Who doesn't love for things to go out with a bang and a surprise?

Unfortunately, I will ruin the surprise here.

All you have to do is explain that the disjointed feeling is uncomfortable and unnecessary - everything is going well but you feel that because there's a lack of contact, things don't flow and it reveals a lack of connection.

They'll seem considerate of what you say but don't forget: there's a surprise coming!

It will go along the lines of:

  • Let's draw a line under this and compromise
  • Let's work on being open and vocal
  • Agreed
  • Let's go on a date this weekend - I let you know my availability
  • Via text (oh, the irony): I don't want to see you anymore

...and Voila!

You, who has done nothing but compromise and accept another's faults, have been ditched. Yes, you were the one who said you weren’t pleased with the situation. You were the one that suffered in (literal) silence.

But they’re the one that ended it, because why should they have to change to keep things going? You’re so selfish for asking them to do. Asking them to contact you more often? You unreasonable person! You asked for too much and paid the price.

In just one month you have gone from together, to never-ever.

What a fabulous journey. Who'd have thought it'd be so easy! 

Is there a moral to this story?
Of course.

You are an idiot to allow yourself to spend time with someone who actively fails to meet your standards. Whether it's texting, personal hygiene, looks or manners –whatever it is.
Do not compromise for a slacker.
Halloween comes three months early for unsuspecting date

Halloween comes three months early for unsuspecting date

I somehow managed to not buy any clothes during May